Like so many of us with antenatal anxiety, Natalie downplayed her symptoms and clung to the belief that she would find relief from the all-consuming worry and insomnia when her baby was finally in her arms. But instead of finding relief after birth, Natalie’s symptoms only grew stronger.

In this heartfelt episode, Natalie shares in excruciating detail the messiness of mental health during pregnancy and recounts how a flare of her pre-existing autoimmune disease and a ‘high-risk’ label only fuelled her tireless need for reassurance: fixating on the baby’s movements, counting down the days until the next scan at the hospital, scouring Facebook groups to compare stories, and trying to interpret doppler readings on Google.

This is a story I hear all too often, and one that I personally know all too well.

This is a story about the human mind’s desperate attempts to find safety from constant anxiety and insomnia.

This is a story about deep love and deep fear, and how closely those can exist side-by-side.

This is part one of Natalie’s raw and profoundly relatable story.

If you’ve ever felt consumed by anxiety in pregnancy or early postpartum, or know someone who has, this episode is for you.

Please note, this episode discusses suicidal ideation. Go gently.