Perinatal Anxiety & OCD

As a paramedic, Rachel spent many years supporting others through medical and mental health emergencies. And although she was trained to recognise the signs of mental ill health in others, it was something she never imagined she would experience herself - that is, until she fell pregnant.

Known for being someone who doesn’t cry, Rachel was unexpectedly confronted by crippling anxiety, an overwhelming sadness, uncontrollable sobbing, and a paralysing sense of hopelessness that didn’t go away until her daughter was born. For the ‘helper’ who usually looks after others, she was left feeling disoriented.

In this moving episode, Rachel speaks candidly about her lived experience with hyperemesis gravidarum and the antenatal depression and anxiety that overshadowed her pregnancy. Together, we explore:

• the shame that can accompany perinatal mental ill health and how it delays recovery

• the uphill battle many mothers face by constantly being told their symptoms are ‘normal’

• why mental health care should not be limited to postpartum

• the crucial role of our loved ones in recovery, and

• how the right support can make all the difference.

Rachel’s story is a powerful reminder of the often-overlooked importance of mental health care during pregnancy. It’s a story about hope and finding light at the end of the tunnel. Above all, it’s a story about the power of sharing your experiences openly, asking for help, and advocating for yourself.

Sarah put on a brave face for the first three months of Isla's life but behind closed doors, the all-consuming anxiety was only getting worse. It wasn't until her husband was home over Christmas that she could no longer hide the severity of the illness and she finally said 'I need serious help'.

Many things stand out to me about Sarah's story: the pervasive anxiety that invaded her early postpartum experience; the insomnia and inability to switch off that added to her stress; the eventual depression that overwhelmed her capacity to cope; and the challenges she faced navigating an unfamiliar mental health system.

But what stands out to me the most about Sarah's story is Sarah herself and her willingness to find and accept the right support. From joining Facebook groups to connecting with a social worker, from writing to inpatient MBU stays, from in-home support to unlikely friendships with those who have walked this path before us, and more, this is a powerful story about one mother's determination to feel connected to her daughter once more.

Please note, this episode discusses suicidal ideation. Go gently.

OCD had been part of Emma’s life for many years, although she just didn’t know it. Like for so many of us, her life-long OCD wasn’t picked up on until early motherhood, after two miscarriages and the birth of a premature baby during a pandemic lockdown.

In Emma’s words, “it awoke the OCD beast.”

This is one mother’s poignant story about the pain of loss, of experiencing depression and an OCD crisis in motherhood, the resulting shame and anger that came with the diagnosis, and the all-too-familiar lengthy and financial barriers encountered when seeking support.

This is also one mother’s touching story about the very real power that radical acceptance, psychoeducation, writing, and community can have on the journey towards recovery and taming the ‘OCD beast’.

This is Emma’s story - of both power and pain, of acceptance and resistance, of isolation and community - and it’s a story that will stay with you for a long time.

Please note, this episode discusses miscarriage, molar pregnancy, the loss of a loved one, suicidal ideation, and termination of pregnancy. Go gently.

This is a story that begins in November 2022 when I received a message from a new mum who wanted nothing more than to change the trajectory of her motherhood story.

This is a story about a mum who’d just been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, who was experiencing vivid intrusive thoughts and panic attacks, and who couldn’t stop crying.

This is a story about a mum who made the move back to rural NSW to be closer to her family for support, but who was now struggling to find the right professional support for herself.

This is a story about a mum who advocated so hard for herself so she could finally say ‘that’s not my story anymore’.

This is Jessie’s story.

I really didn't think I'd be back here behind the microphone telling my own story again. I didn't think I'd have anything to share because I had many hopes that things would be different this time. I hoped that I would be different this time.

But here we are.

For many reasons, for so many of us, pregnancy is not always the most joyful time of our lives. Logically, we know it's temporary, but that doesn't necessarily make it easier. And I know I'm not the only one to hold conflicting emotions about pregnancy, both joy and anguish, love and dread, hope and fear.

I hope by me sharing, this reaches someone who needs it.

Join me in this episode where I'll share the story of my second pregnancy so far, how it's been similar and different to my first, my fears as I approach the third trimester and birth, and the support systems that are currently in place or planned to help me through.

Thank you for once again holding space for me.

When Ashlee entered motherhood, she expected the transition to be easy from her many years of working with children. What she didn’t expect was the severe anxiety she experienced in her first pregnancy or the depression that overshadowed her postpartum. As a perinatal and infant mental health psychologist, she also didn’t expect to miss her own red flags.

Sleep, feeding, and health complications with her daughter also diverted any attention away from Ashlee’s wellbeing, and left her blaming motherhood and expecting her mental health to get better only when circumstances improved. Ashlee finally reached out for support and even moved cities for a fresh start, but two weeks later, she found out she was unexpectedly pregnant with her son.

This is Ashlee’s phenomenal story - about the benefit of hindsight, about grieving her first postpartum, about navigating motherhood with a diagnosis of autism, about the importance of being listened to, about seeking psychological help as a psychologist, about the challenge motherhood caused to her identity, about the difficulty in deciphering the difference between mental ill health and the ‘normal’ challenges of motherhood, about redefining what a ‘village’ means, about rejecting the shame of taking medication, about overcoming depression and having faith that things will get better, about learning to look inwards, and about embracing her own humanness.

Expect to be blown away when listening to this episode.

You can find Ashlee on Instagram at wells_psychology where she raises awareness about perinatal and women’s mental health. Please note, this episode discusses the lived experience of anxiety, depression and an unwanted, unexpected, pregnancy. Go gently.

With a background in child development psychology and extensive experience working with thousands of babies, Siobhan was, what she thought, going to be off to a running start in motherhood.

That was until she was confronted by a traumatic birth and intense sleep deprivation at the height of the pandemic lockdowns.

Siobhan’s sense of self was challenged and her first postpartum experience was overshadowed by chronic anxiety and depression. With the development of hallucinations and suicidal ideation, Siobhan’s mental health deteriorated until she became unrecognisable to those who knew and loved her.

In this poignant and relatable episode, Siobhan talks about everything that helped her see the light and gave her confidence to expand her family: from occupational therapy, medication, a social worker, a birth debrief, and formal postpartum planning, to her ultimate outlet, running.

I thank Siobhan from the bottom of my heart for sharing her experience so openly, and I welcome everyone to listen to the incredible insights that this inspirational woman has learnt along the way.

This isn’t an episode to miss. Run, don’t walk!

Please note, this episode discusses suicidal ideation. Go gently.

We’re all familiar with the adage ‘healing isn’t linear’ but we don’t often talk about the way a non-linear recovery ambushes the way we see, and feel about, ourselves.

This attack on her perceived sense of self is something Sarah was continuously forced to confront with every lapse that she encountered on her recovery from postpartum anxiety, OCD, and depression.

Postpartum progressively broke down any deep-rooted misconceptions Sarah held about mental health and slowly challenged the unspoken belief that our worth is inherently tied to the ups and downs of our recovery.

From starting medication to being admitted to the mother-and-baby psychiatric hospital for the first time, this is part one of Sarah’s incredibly touching and insightful story.

With a history of anxiety and depression, Jess and her care team went into pregnancy with a plan to protect her mental health during postpartum. Unfortunately, serious and sudden medical diagnoses for her son, Jasper, immediately after birth meant Jess’s mental health was neglected amongst relentless surgeries, a two-month NICU admission, and full-time caretaking for a sick baby.

The NICU experience cast a long shadow over Jess’s motherhood journey, leaving behind a trail of self-blame, overwhelm, uncertainty, and doubt. Through the support of caring helpline staff, changing medication, making mum friends, a GP that took her seriously, and reclaiming her passions, this is the incredible story of one mother’s journey to come into her own light and to help other mothers know that they do not have to struggle alone.

Follow Jess on Instagram @jesscareywrites and visit her website https://jesscareywrites.com/ to find her collection of books about mental health for both children and adults.

Between a PCOS diagnosis, fertility struggles, and several rounds of IVF, it was not easy for Emma to bring her three boys into the world. Unfortunately, trying to conceive was only part of the mental and emotional battles she faced.

Serious health complications in pregnancy, antenatal anxiety, guilt about not loving pregnancy, and a traumatic birth with her first son, only compounded the mental health struggles that Emma was already facing from years of infertility. By the time her second son was born, Emma’s anxiety was tipped over the edge processing her grandmother’s passing and by an accident that nearly claimed the lives of her husband and son.

From an MBU admission to cutting the ribbon at the opening of Sydney’s newest public MBU, this is the breath-taking story of one woman’s determination to prioritise her own healing and to shape the healing of all women who may one day walk the same path. Emma’s story is as incredible as she is.

Please note, this episode details the lived experience of infertility, miscarriages, and IVF. Go gently.

As Jade says, she has never shied away from sharing uncomfortable stories, and her story of bringing a baby earthside is no exception. While the birth of her daughter, River, seemingly gave her the ‘happy ending’ she so desperately wanted, her journey with uncomfortable stories did not end there.

Instead of the new-born bubble she envisioned for so long, Jade had to walk on eggshells around her baby who constantly screamed. The magnitude of her grief and anxiety was only compounded by River’s colic, causing a ‘crash’ that shattered her nervous system. After three years of back-to-back experiences with an ectopic pregnancy, baby loss, and miscarriage, Jade had nothing left to give.

It was Jade’s mother-in-law who read between the lines of a text message and flew down the same day to take Jade to the doctors to ensure she finally started to receive the help she needed.

I invite you to join me in this episode as Jade shares her truth and the purpose she has found in her pain - featuring grief, anxiety, depression, colic, talk therapy, and medication, as well as the many connections she has made along the way that have held her with love during this journey. I thank Jade from the bottom of my heart for shining a light on the uncomfortable stories we often keep to ourselves.

Please note, this episode discusses baby loss and mentions TFMR. You can find Jade @heart.of.harper on Instagram where she raises awareness, educates, and holds space for the uncomfortable experiences that can come with conceiving a baby and life after loss.

As someone who had never experienced mental ill health, the bubbly and outgoing Nikolina was confronted by the sudden onset of perinatal depression and anxiety within her first few weeks of motherhood. From crying for no reason to not being able to sleep, her PNDA symptoms hit very hard and very fast.

Nikolina pushed through these symptoms for weeks, even using her son’s milestone photo cards as a countdown to the idealised six-week mark. But when nothing changed at six weeks as she had hoped, it was her husband who helped Nikolina realise that she wasn’t herself and that she may need some help to get her spark back.

In this episode, Nikolina takes us on her journey from the career high in her first pregnancy to the excitement of dressing up for therapy, and now to the recent publication of her children’s book - filled with lots of tears, insomnia, therapy, stepping on Lego pieces, and of course, laughter, in between!

You can follow Nikolina on Instagram @heynikolinak where she shares the ridiculousness and realities of motherhood and order her new book My Mummy Loves Fudge! from her website heynikolinak.com

Like everything else in her life, Jess had many plans for motherhood. As planned, she fell pregnant after completing her psychologist registration. But when Jess fell pregnant, she was surprised that her once positive outlook was overshadowed by an all-consuming sense of dread and anxiety. Despite sharing this openly with her care providers, her severe anxiety remained undiagnosed.

To her relief, that relentless anxiety ended the moment her daughter, Charlotte, was born - 3 months early! Jess found that she coped better with the unexpected preeclampsia diagnosis, the emergency c-section at 28 weeks gestation, and the subsequent 51-day NICU stay in a hospital over an hour away from home, than she did with pregnancy.

Unfortunately, it was finally bringing her little girl home - a moment she’d waited so long for - that saw the return of her anxiety. But this time, it was crippling.

With the support of an incredible care team, featuring her GP, the hospital-appointed psychologist, and her family and friends, Jess’s anxiety started to ease and she could finally enjoy those moments of motherhood she dreamed about - like sitting on the couch with her daughter in their pyjamas - just as planned.

A successful economist and accomplished career woman, Kathryn from MotherUp has always been the quintessential high achiever who needed certainty and control over every aspect of her life. Although, of course, when she had her little girl Liv, Kathryn learnt the hard way that perfectionism and motherhood do not mix.

I spent most of my life imagining motherhood. I couldn't imagine anything else - not a career, not travel, not study - just motherhood. What I didn't imagine, however, was a mental breakdown that sent me to a psychiatric ward only days after my son's birth.

Join me as I share part two of my story where I talk about how my postpartum unfolded in all the ways I could never have imagined.